CoffeeTime: “LOVING SOMEONE NO MATTER WHAT”
Podcasts available at Coffeetimecolumn.com
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“No Matter What” is the title of a popular song released in recent years. The lyrics talk about, “No
matter whether we really try to please Him, or if we choose to throw a monstrous bomb into our
life and the lives of those around us, He just loves us – no matter what.”
Our God just loves us – no matter what. Even though He constantly watches us disappointing Him-
over and over again. He has a bird’s eye view of any stealing, lying, cheating and everything else we
choose to do. He sees us when we are angry and cold-hearted toward each other. And when we
decide that our priorities are more important than anything or anyone else.
But that ‘no matter what’ love doesn’t mean that He winks at our bad behavior – letting us live any
way we want, with no consequences. He loves us too much for that. That’s when we end up on the
receiving end of a well-chosen and perfectly fitted discipline.
Because He loves us just like we are, waaayyyy too much to leave us just like we are.
Ever put much brain power into trying to live like that in your own earthly relationships? Loving
without enabling.
Enabling is a trap for you and the one you love. It traps your victim into believing he can’t do things
without your help. And it also traps you into always having to help him, every time he fails. And
that is a relationship-breaker, if I ever heard of one. Your decision to simply stop enabling would be
the very beginning of a better relationship.
Sure, it would probably be a rocky start. There would definitely be a lot of push-back. Your victim is
used to you rescuing and criticizing. And honestly, so are you. And neither of you will easily give up
what feels normal and safe.
But just imagine if you were to decide, “From now on, I refuse to be used as a doormat for my little
brother. He creates these problems by the way he lives, and then because I love him, I have to find a
way to help clean up his mess. But I’ve had enough. Starting now, I’m going to always let him know
that I love and accept him. But I will no longer be the one responsible for putting his life back
together. He’s on his own – sink or swim.”
Do you realize the gift you are giving him? A chance for him to learn to take responsibility for his
own life. Remember, it’s not on you if he refuses to take on that responsibility, it lies squarely on
his own shoulders. But if he does, it gives him the opportunity to start achieving for himself – and
that’s called self-worth. And that self-worth translates into self-confidence. And self-confidence is
the main tool to begin accomplishing some goals in life.
And lowering your own stress levels.
